The Grieving Need as Much Help as the Ill to Find Closure. Dr. EV Rapiti | Cape Town | July 17, 2025 www.drrapiti.com

“A listening ear and a few consoling words are all that is required to appease grieving families—not a whole lot of tablets to sleep.”

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The Grieving Need as Much Help as the Ill to Find Closure
By Dr. EV Rapiti | Cape Town | July 17, 2025
www.drrapiti.com

> “Medical specialists must stop viewing patients as isolated organs—hearts, brains, kidneys, stomachs, ovaries, or blood. Patients are people, not just parts. They deserve to be treated with compassion, not reduced to charts and silent examinations. Too often, doctors assess an organ, issue instructions to staff, and walk away—saying little to the anxious patient or their worried family.”

I recently contacted the spouse of a deceased patient to understand how her husband’s illness had contributed to his passing. Her emotional pain was palpable—her grief raw and compounded by the callous treatment she’d received from the medical professionals involved.

Eight years prior, her husband had undergone a successful kidney removal for cancer. Life had returned to normal until a lump appeared on the right side of his neck last year. A biopsy confirmed the return of cancer, now aggressive and fast-spreading.

Naturally, the couple feared a repeat of intense chemotherapy. They asked the oncologist if he would be given the same treatment. Her reply was chilling:
"I am not here to cure, but to prolong life."
That single sentence shattered any hope they had, delivered with no compassion or context. They felt dismissed, as if his life were already written off.

This devastating encounter came just as they were planning an overseas trip—another cruel twist. Despite having a coronary stent inserted recently, his health declined rapidly. Fluid gathered in his lungs. One evening, he went to bed early, feeling tired. By dawn, he had passed away, gasping for breath.

Now a widow at just 51, his spouse was thrown into the bureaucratic maze of registering his death. She approached his doctors, hoping for help—only to be met with shock and suspicion. The cardiologist refused to fill out the necessary form, insensitively suggesting possible foul play.

His remark was crushing. Not only had she lost her husband, but she now had to defend herself against a baseless insinuation—all while navigating her grief.

To make matters worse, he insisted on an autopsy, prolonging her pain for another three weeks.

Her undertaker reached out to me, and I gladly offered my help. When I spoke to her, she was emotionally fragile and deeply disappointed by the cold indifference shown by the medical professionals. None had comforted her. None had listened.

She told me that our conversation was the first time she’d spoken to a doctor who showed her compassion. I explained the likely cause of her husband’s death and encouraged her to seek support through counseling or a bereavement group. That brief connection made a difference.

Over the years, I’ve witnessed many families endure similar distress. Doctors frequently decline to fill out forms or offer closure, leaving grieving loved ones to carry an unnecessary burden on their own.

The truth is:
Doctors are taught to heal and cure, but they are not taught how to care for the grieving.
Yet this skill is just as vital. After all, the grieving deserve healing too.

Grief Is Not a Weakness

Coming to terms with loss has no set timeline. The pain is often proportional to the depth of attachment. Some grieve for months, others for years. Even children who lose grandparents can experience depression and academic decline.

Grief can manifest in sleeplessness, poor work performance, emotional instability. These are signs not of weakness, but of love—for someone irreplaceable.

Healing cannot be rushed with tablets or reduced to a prescription. It requires space, compassion, and time. It requires professionals who listen.

Doctors Must Do More Than Diagnose

When families turn to their doctors—the very people who cared for their loved ones—they should not be met with silence or bureaucratic delays.
They need guidance.
They need acknowledgment.
They need empathy.

Most specialists lack the training to support bereaved families. This is where trusted family doctors must step in—to explain, to reassure, to listen.

> “A listening ear and a few consoling words are all that is required to appease grieving families—not a whole lot of tablets to sleep.”

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Dr. EV Rapiti is a family physician with over 42 years of experience serving the community of Mitchells Plain, Cape Town. He has a special interest in counselling, behavior modification, and helping families come to terms with loss.