PEOPLE PLEASERS: THE SILENT STRUGGLE FOR ACCEPTANCE By Dr. EV Rapiti — Cape Town July 15, 2025 www.drrapiti.com
People pleasers are slowly destroying themselves.
PEOPLE PLEASERS: THE SILENT STRUGGLE FOR ACCEPTANCE
By Dr. EV Rapiti — Cape Town
July 15, 2025
www.drrapiti.com
> “People pleasers will indiscriminately help anyone for a little validation, but caring people who do not need validation will only offer their help to those who deserve and appreciate their help.” — Dr EV Rapiti, July 15, 2025
Over many years of practice, I have counselled people from all walks of life and all ages who are genuinely nice but fall into the category of being people pleasers—just for a little bit of validation, recognition, respect, and acceptance.
These individuals often adopt this personality after experiencing severe rejection—as children, in relationships, amongst friends, or in the workplace. Their emotional blueprint is shaped by abandonment, neglect, or ridicule. To become accepted and loved, they go to inordinate lengths to please everyone who needs or requests their help. They jump at every opportunity to satisfy others, just to hear the words:
“What a good person you are.”
These words are sweet relief to someone who has been made to feel unworthy of love and attention. They become addicted to approval, even if it means denying themselves rest, ignoring their own needs, and pretending they’re fine when they’re not.
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Who Falls Into This Category?
If you identify with any of the following, you may be a people pleaser:
- You say “yes” because you fear rejection if you say “no.”
- You’re afraid of losing people for asserting yourself.
- You spend most of your time solving others’ problems while ignoring your own.
- You feel guilty for resting or prioritising your own needs.
- You pretend to be okay—even when you’re emotionally drained.
People pleasers are often depressed individuals longing to be loved and cared for, yet they rarely admit it. They wear a smile like armour, but inside they’re exhausted and overwhelmed.
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The Exploitation Trap
People pleasers are vulnerable—and unfortunately, some people know how to exploit that. They make impossible requests, knowing the pleaser won’t say no. They manipulate with guilt, and when the pleaser finally falters, they throw dirt in their face.
Why? Because people pleasers struggle to deal with confrontation. They fear rejection more than they fear abuse. And so, they endure.
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The Path to Healing
To reclaim your life, you must begin with self-love. People pleasers are good people at heart—but they must learn that their worth is not dependent on others’ approval.
Here’s what you can do:
- Love yourself for who you are.
- Stop seeking validation from others.
- Build relationships that are reciprocal.
- Assert yourself—people respect boundaries.
- Prioritise your needs without guilt.
- Enjoy your own company and learn to be alone.
- Accept that not everyone will like you—and that’s okay.
- Stay away from negative people who do not respect you.
You deserve happiness. You deserve rest. You deserve to say “no” without guilt.
Practical Advice
If you struggle to say “no,” try this:
> “I would love to help, but I have so much on my plate that I just can’t.”
Some won’t take no for an answer. That’s when you must become resilient—to protect your health and sanity.
If you still struggle, see a counsellor who can help you become assertive without feeling guilty. By trying to do everything for everyone, you risk turning them into unappreciative, lazy parasites.
People who can’t take “no” have no respect for you. Stay away from them.
Final Thoughts
You owe it to yourself to be happy.
Don’t spend your entire life pleasing others at the expense of your own well-being.
Your journey in life should not be about constantly impressing others.
It should be about living intentionally, with joy, peace, and self-respect.
— Dr EV RAPITI
Cape Town | July 15, 2025
Dr Rapiti is a family physician working in Mitchells Plain with a keen interest in counselling and helping people to empower themselves without relying on drugs.
I found myself becoming a big time people pleaser when I quit the drugs and alcohol. It got so bad that if you stepped on my foot, I would apologize for my foot being in your way! I guess I felt terrible guilt over how I treated others when under the influence.
I was taught by others to assert myself, then I took that too far.
I finally got to the point where I would not be a punching bag and would not treat others like one.
Life has been much easier and happier since!
Have a great and blessed day, Doctor!
I needed your advice and doctoring a long time ago. I was a people person the majority of my life even though I grew up in a very loving, happy stable family. I did lack self confidence in different areas. Fortunately, in my senior years I a lot less people contact and situations. Again, and I will say it a lot, Bless you for all the wisdom and genuine caring you give to all you can!