Chronic Stress and Loneliness: The Silent Killers of Our Health

Lonliness is related 26% of early deaths, stress is related to 60% of chronic illnesses.

Chronic Stress and Loneliness: The Silent Killers of Our Health

By Dr E V Rapiti, Cape Town, 3rd July, 2025

"Chronic stress and loneliness are far more severe on one's physical and mental health than poor diet, inactivity, and smoking. Physicians, who are the first port of call for symptoms of stress and loneliness, generally treat the symptoms like headaches, high blood pressure, diabetes, and depression instead of focusing on the causes."

A seventy-year-old dear old lady, whom I had treated successfully for a debilitating and depressing generalized itch following the Pfizer jab, arrived at my practice with visible worry etched across her face. She pleaded with me to check her blood pressure urgently.

The Sunday prior, while attending church, she had collapsed as she got up to pray. The next thing she remembered was waking up in hospital. She had no recollection of what had happened or how she had landed in the ER.

There was no history of a seizure, panic attack, or fainting episode to explain the loss of consciousness. Her blood pressure had always been stable in previous visits, so I was surprised when she said the hospital measured it at 170/100. As expected, the ER doctor did what most doctors do: treat the reading, not the root. She was sent home on two antihypertensive tablets.

Looked for a psychological cause

But I was not convinced. I took a careful history to rule out any medical or cardiac cause for her collapse — nothing came up. Then I gently asked if anything was troubling her.

She hesitated. “Just one major issue,” she whispered, “and many small ones that live in my head.”

Alcoholic son's abusive behaviour - cause of pain

I encouraged her to speak freely. That’s when she broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. Her son, an alcoholic, had been verbally abusive to her. His vulgar insults were cutting and cruel. Thankfully, he had never raised his hand to her, but his words hurt all the same. I told her this was a classic case of elder abuse.

She had endured his behaviour for years in silence. Her other children lived with her but said nothing — the house belonged to the abusive son. She lovingly cared for her grandchildren all week, yet when her children returned from work, they rushed off to their rooms without sitting to talk with her. Her only real conversations came from her kind neighbours, whose children treated her with far more warmth and respect.

She adored her grandchildren and feared what would happen to them if she left. When I suggested she move in with her pleasant daughter who had accompanied her, she replied, “But who will care for my grandchildren, who give me so much joy?”

Though her physical exam was unremarkable and her blood pressure normal, her symptoms were not. Her collapse, I realized, had not been medical — it had been emotional. The years of silent suffering, abuse, loneliness, and neglect had boiled over. Her breakdown came not in chaos, but in the sanctuary of prayer. It was her body’s cry for help.

### The Hidden Weight of Loneliness and Emotional Abuse

Having worked in mental health and addiction for over 40 years, I’ve seen the damage done when physicians prescribe antidepressants without addressing the cause. I avoid psychotropic medication whenever I can. I feared this soft-spoken woman would become addicted to drugs that wouldn't fix the pain in her heart.

Instead, I taught her about addiction — that her son’s alcoholism was a disease, not a personal attack. He likely remembered little of what he said. I explained that she didn’t need to absorb his pain or words. “He gets drunk,” I told her. “You don’t have to.”

I encouraged her to avoid confrontation by spending time with her neighbour, reading, or walking. I also recommended she join a support group for families of addicts, where she could find understanding and community.

And I gently explained something most of us forget: our happiness is not dependent on others. We must learn to create our own peace — even when others don’t give it to us.

### The Science Behind the Pain: What Stress Does to the Body

What happened to my patient wasn’t unique — and it wasn’t just emotional.

Stress and loneliness cause measurable harm to the body. According to the World Health Organization, stress is one of the leading causes of disease in the 21st century. A 2023 meta-analysis published in Nature Human Behaviour found that loneliness raises the risk of early death by 26%, comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Chronic stress is now linked to 60% of all human illnesses, including heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, and depression.

This is due to biochemical changes in the brain and body. Chronic stress keeps cortisol — the body’s stress hormone — elevated. Over time, this raises blood pressure, suppresses immunity, and inflames blood vessels, leading to atherosclerosis and cardiovascular disease. The “fight or flight” response, designed for emergencies, stays switched on, straining the heart, increasing insulin resistance, and encouraging weight gain.

Loneliness is just as destructive. It depletes neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which are vital for emotional regulation and wellbeing. Long-term loneliness can shrink the hippocampus — the part of the brain responsible for memory — and increase the risk of dementia, depression, and even early death.

My patient’s body was trying to tell her something. And instead of medicating the message, I decided to teach her how to listen — and how to heal.

### Introducing the 4 Steps to Healing: A Daily Affirmative Prayer

Instead of giving her more pills, I gave her something far more powerful — a prayer I had developed after years of working with people battling trauma, addiction, and loneliness.

I created these 4 Steps to Healing after attending numerous Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings. While I admired their 12-step model, many of my patients found it overwhelming. They needed something simple, compassionate, and easy to apply in their daily lives — something that offered hope, direction, and dignity.

What emerged was a short, spiritually grounded morning prayer — a daily affirmation to help them regain emotional control, self-worth, and faith in their future.

I taught her to say this every morning:

### The 4 Steps to Healing – An Affirmative Prayer

1. Help me with all my problems and face the challenges of the day without breaking down or feeling sorry for myself.

2. Make me a better person. Take away my anger, frustration and depression. Make me loving, gentle and kind.

3. Bring me close to my family and keep us together. Stop us from hurting one another but help us to be there for one another.

4. Be grateful to my Higher Power for all that I have. Protect me in my life. Look forward to a great day because I deserve to be happy.

This simple prayer, said with sincerity each morning, has helped countless patients take back control of their emotional wellbeing. It's not just words — it’s a mindset shift.

It helped my elderly patient move from helplessness to hope. And I’ve seen it change lives again and again — because it reconnects people with what truly matters: their self-worth, their family, their spiritual strength, and their right to be happy.

### Conclusion: More Than Just Medicine

This patient’s story is one of thousands I have seen over the decades. The truth is: most of the conditions we treat — hypertension, diabetes, heart disease — are not just medical. They are emotional. They are social. They are spiritual. Yet most doctors only treat the physical symptoms and never ask: What’s hurting you inside?

We can’t continue writing prescriptions for what is really a spiritual fracture in the human experience and life.

Sometimes, the best medicine we can give our patients is not in a bottle — but in a kind word, an understanding heart, and a simple, prayerful guide for living.

References (APA Style)

American Psychological Association. (2019). Stress effects on the body. https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. *Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10*(2), 227–237. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352

World Health Organization. (2023). Mental health and stress-related disorders. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response

Turan, B., Osar, Z., & Kulaksizoglu, B. (2023). Chronic stress and cardiovascular disease: Biochemical mechanisms. *Nature Human Behaviour*. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-023-01679-3